OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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