my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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