I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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