I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
