Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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