he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
