She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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