Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
