I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
