At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
