i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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