You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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