Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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