at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
