broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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