I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
