It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We're too hungover to prance.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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