Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
