I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am spending my child support on dildos
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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