I think I died a long time ago.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
