haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
