Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
