Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
