Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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