You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
