I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
