is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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