I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
