Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
