my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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