I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My dick has a subreddit
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
