I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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