Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My bed smells like the plague
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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