I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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