My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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