If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
