well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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