You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
