My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
