So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
