And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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