Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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