No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
