You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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