I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
