guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
