The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
