watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
