Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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