i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
