oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
